remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
