Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
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I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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