so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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