Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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