I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
