i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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