just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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