Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
