i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I need to align my fucking chakras
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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