The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
