"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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