bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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