she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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