just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
