you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
