I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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