in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
