rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So many bounce houses so little time
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
