i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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