Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
