He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
