I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I had to cum in my sink.
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