i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
