I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
