Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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