Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
