I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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