Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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