So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
