"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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