I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
