Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize