Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude i'm inner monologue high
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Drunk is not a location!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
