Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
