What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
