Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
