Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
