Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
