I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
