Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
