saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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