I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
