JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
