there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
