Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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