Is it because I queefed?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
