Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If that was your dad, he is hot
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
