forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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