Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
