I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
