oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
