well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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