you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
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seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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