I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
