I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
