At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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