Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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