I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
