Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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