Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
