Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
