omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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