I am puke
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
