kristin has been a bad kristin
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
